"Aaaaahhh~ Hahhhh~ HNNNN~"
"You are lucky enough to find yourself gazing upon the undeniable magnificence of the once in a century singing sensation, Cabaletta Splendore~! I'll pause here while you pick your jaw up off the ground and reboot your brain."
"..."
"...Are you ready? Good. And before you ask that question bubbling up in the back of your mind, no my real name is not Cabaletta Splendore. My parents may have been opera nerds but they weren't that obsessed, though my first name really is Cabaletta so make of that what you will. Splendore was what a few critics called my debut and I had the awesome idea of adopting such an apt term as part of my stage name to create the brand that people know and love. 'course, many of my fans think that my debut was in some scummy dive bar under a tattoo parlor but they'd be wrong and probably have a heart attack if they knew it was in a concert hall in front of the elite and rich. Yeah, hard to believe right?"
"But that was seven years and many cup sizes ago, when all of the practice my parents paid for resulted in an awkward thirteen year old fidgeting on stage before belting out an aria so good that it might have been the first time opera made panties drop since the Renaissance."
"...What do you mean I'm arrogant? Its not arrogance if its true!"
"Whatever, not like any of that stuff is even relevant anymore. Yeah, I used to be some sweet little diva but it didn't take me long to wise up to my real passion. Punk, metal, rock, etc... I love a lot of it and once I got a taste for it I knew I had to make my break unto the scene."
"What I did next I'm not...totally proud of. Stole some of my mom's jewelry and pawned it to buy a ticket out of town, not all of it though, before using my father's credit card to reinvent my look and get my foot in the door. I've paid it back since then, don't get me wrong, but it was still a scummy thing to do."
"Where was I? ...Oh yeah, after that I hitched my wagon to one band or another so I could keep pursuing my dream but not with anybody good enough to compliment me so...I just kept getting lost in the shuffle. Gets frustrating knowing that you're destined for music history if you could just get the right attention so I decided to step out on my own. Solo career and all that nonsense, which did get me noticed pretty damn fast but I didn't stay solo for long. Can't play an instrument for shit but I had enough success that I could recruit for my own band at my own standards. And that's why I find myself giving this interview today, looking for aspiring musical prodigies who can hang in the big leagues with me. Give me a call, there should be a number given with this article if you've stuck around this long. And for those who have read through this whole thing...here's your reward~!"
"Gotta keep the fans happy..."
At the end of the day, the thick pile of panther cum splatted out over a small studio's floor and set is a great message about teasing a deadly pantheress when you don't need to.~ Cabaletta learned the hard way when her agent, frustrated she was too lazy to keep her fame high, transferred her contract to
Miss_Natalya for a tidy sum. And, remembering a message Cabaletta had sent long ago, Natalya set up and arranged for the popstar's final swan-song.~
Who knew a top heavy girl mewling her way into becoming just another stain could sound so sweet~? One last private solo for an audience of one..
Read her final misadventure
here.