Common_Sense_Fairy

Hello, friends! I’m the Common Sense Fairy!

This park is my home. And with a nod of my head, a wink of my eye, and a wiggle of my fanny, I have the magical power to dispense knowledge a lot of people on this site should have already figured out, but haven’t.



—The person doing the approaching needs to come with three RP scenarios in mind. No exceptions. Doesn’t matter if you’re pred or prey, top or bottom, dom/me or sub. You knocked. You entered my house. Don’t then expect me to entertain you.

(Your model here is the Christmas caroler. You knock, I open the door, you sing a song or two. If I like you, I invite you in for wassail. If not, you move on. I am not obligated to do more than be polite. Start fucking singing.)



—This is a vore fetish site. It is for people who get aroused by eating people, or fucking people and then eating them. Now ask yourself—and be honest!—how much backstory do you need?

(Fun test! Open your profile. Scroll till your character description is at the top of the page. Now hit the space bar. If you’re still reading character background, it’s too long.)



—Fetishes are a component of, or substitute for, sex. Sex takes two people, working in tandem. Which means your post length should be roughly the same neighborhood as your partner’s.

And that neighborhood, BTW, is semi-para.

(You one-sentence people are the equivalent of premature ejaculation, and you multi-para folk are cold starfish who should work on your novel on your own time.)



—First-person and third-person are both valid RP styles. The first-person people are just way more fun.

Or sometimes, way worse! (But at least they’re playing the same sport, not watching from the couch. Seriously third-person peoples, try acting instead of narrating.)



—"Would" does not belong in the Eka's vocabulary. Let me repeat that: "Would" does not belong in the Eka's vocabulary. Sure, if you're setting up a scene, it's okay to say "I would really dig it if we..." or "My character would gobble you up in a second" and so forth. But the second the RP starts, the "would"s stop. If you're using "would" to start every other action in your RP—"I would taste," "She would lick," etc., then you suck at English and/or role-playing.

(And if you're a non-English speaker, I apologize for being a bitch—but hey, now you know!)



—Understand the default assumptions implied by your character’s very existence. If you are an orca, we are going to assume you are pred. If you are a gingerbread man, prey. If you’re playing against type, A) say so early in your profile, and B) be able to articulate a good reason why, at least to yourself.

(This especially is true for the legion of submissive dragons on this site. What is the point of cloaking yourself in one of the most enduring symbols of might and power in mythology, only to turn around and beg every single person in chat if they will eat you? You should have been an anthro muffin, for God’s sake.)

(For some reason, the nagas on here are about the only species/race that don’t fuck this up. Good for you, ladies! Go hit the mouseboy buffet one more time!)

This goes beyond just pred or prey. What are the other price-of-entry features about your character? Cows, don’t be surprised if we try to milk you. Pigs, be able to hand being called fat, being stuffed, or even getting some joking references to bacon. Vampires, know what to do if we’re snacking on garlic. New Jersey residents, we will check for STDs.



—What? You’re not into vore? Yet you’re on a vore fetish site. Gosh, how lucky for us that we got such a special snowflake you were rejected by the entire rest of the Internet and have decided to insist on RPing here anyway.



—That goes double for the belly-stuffing/fat fetishists who make us go through an entire stuffing scene, including pestering us for pics, and then bail when the moment it’s time for somebody to get friggin’ munched.



—I will respect that you don’t like digestion or fatality, if you will respect that I will automatically assume you are either underage or a virgin.

If you say it’s because you “could never do that to someone you loved,” I will know for a fact you are both.



—Attention, guys who are pretending to be girls: See, what you’re doing wrong is… Actually, wait. If I tell you, you’ll stop doing those things. I’m going to shut up now.

But I will say this: If you are a guy pretending to be a girl, preserve the illusion!

When I want to RP with men, I RP with men. When I want to RP with women, I RP with women.

But there is nothing worse than having an RP with a “woman,” who, when it’s all over—especially when it was a really good session, for some reason—then feels the need to confess to me…often accompanied with “because I didn’t want to lie to you.”

A) I probably figured it out already. We can tell (see above).

Sheer statistics says you’re a guy. Maybe me, too, for all you know. Not even Provincetown has as many lesbians as Eka’s claims to. But the good ones preserve the illusion.

And B) what it this unburdening supposed to accomplish? Am I supposed to suddenly drop the computer, drive to where you are, wrap you in my arms and tell you I appreciate your honesty and that now we are soulmates? Or am I suppose to tell you that I can make you a girl, and immediately sweep you into my car to hit the mall for a sissy makeover session?

Confession-prone t-girls: Listen, up: The very best you can hope for is that I won’t care and that you don’t interrupt my afterglow too badly. More likely you are killing the mood, erasing whatever goodwill our RP just engendered, and ensuring I never play with you again.



—Meanwhile, actual girls: Just because you are a hot commodity on here, that doesn’t mean you get to suck at role-playing. Make with the typing.



That’s all for now. But don’t worry—I’m sure I’ll be back with more!