Cream_Queen

Well, howdy there, sugar! Mmmm, just look at you! Aren't you a pretty little thing! I could just eat you up! But that's where I gotta stop myself and consider my options. I might marinate you in olive oil and let you ride a slippery slide down my gullet. I might slather my sausage up with saurkraut and stuff it down your throat first. I might just set down on top of you and crush you under my nuts while I cover you in my own freshly made fudge! Mmm, the possibilities are deliciously endless!

Now why are you lookin like you didn't see this coming? You know who I am don't you? It's me, Bertha Stuart! Bertha Gurth! Big Bertie! The Cream Queen!!! My name, face, gut, ass and sausage are everywhere! Remember, I've got that daytime talk/cooking/reality game show "Bite Me!"! I write the most popular blog anywhere online, "Love Handles: Fuck In The Kitchen And Eat In The Bedroom"! And I'm a bestselling author! You remember:

"Get In My Belly! A Foodie's Little Black Book / A Nympho's Food Diary"
"How To Have Your Friends For Dinner"
"Healthy Eating: How To Avoid It"
"Bertha's Vegetarian Cookbook (A Guide To Eating Vegetarians)"

Starting to sound more familiar now, right? Of course I am.

There are people out there think that mixing sex and food is a little kinky. I don't understand those people. I can't imagine food without sex, or sex without food! Hell, I had my first orgasm over a deep-fried barbecue bacon triple cheeseburger when I was 13 and never looked back! And look at me now. I made it cool to be a loud, lewd, fat, fucking machine!

You haven't asked how I became a star. That is thanks to my patented Batter Blasting(TM)! See, I discovered that meals can literally be injected with flavors if I prepare ahead of time and marinate ingredients in my balls beforehand. All I have to do is slide something down my shaft and let it settle in my balls for a time. Once it dissolves, I just shove my flavorizer right up into someone, go for a ride, and presto! Pump them up with flavor! It's delicious! Oranges are my personal favorite, but pumpkins are a great seasonal choice too! I just need to make sure to allow for enough time for total dissolution, or else, well you can imagine what happens. But these things happen sometimes in the name of food and fun and fucking!

I have now adopted a pet! I met Harriet_Broodal, an adorable little bunny that turned out to be deliciously and disgustingly depraved! Oh, the things I've done to her and will continue to do to her! She is completely addicted to my fat and filth! She makes for a cute and squishy cleaning rag, cocksleeve, toilet and so much more! Best of all, when I squeeze her, she squeaks out, "I love you, mommy!" She is my new favorite plush toy forever!